The Yakuza Shall Inherit The Earth
by SadRebel
Summary: Gore, swear words, homosexualty and complete and utter stupidity, all wrapped up in one very serious story about the Versus Yakuza torturing a man. Thanks to Mistigri and the Quote Generator. One shot.


Thanks to Mistigri and her Quote-Generator I am in one of _those_ moods. And I almost stuck my head in a bin just before because my aim is off. Anyway, here is a Versus ficlet using the garbled quotes I made relating to Versus. Thank you, Mistigri, this is partially for you. Oh, and I am using their real names and there is no theme or reason to the story and try and guess where the quotes come from!

**The Yakuza Shall Inherit The Earth.**

Kenji looked up sideways at Arai, who was smiling slightly while he ran his fingers over the wiggly little lines on the map.

"It's just down here" he said, tracing a red worm along the paper, giggling to himself

"Be serious" commented Kazuhito, "you ridiculous zombie-_baka_"

"I am being serious...and don't call me zombie!" whined Arai. Snapping the book closed, he turned to the little boss. Why are we doing this? He thought. The bound and bloody prisoner sharing the back seat with Watanabe murmured "Killing me won't bring back your zombie". Kazuhito leaned over the little boss and prodded the man with the tip of one of Kenji's butterfly knives. The man giggled. "I am the Messiah of the Underworld. You can't kill me without it coming back to bite you on your arse"

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty zombie" snorted Kenji as he dodged a convertible, two semi-trailers and a motorbike in one swift movement of the steering wheel.

"You second rate Yakuza are all alike" spat the prisoner, "all tough on the outside, but no brains on the inside! Go to Hell!"

"When there's no more room in Hell, the Yakuza will walk the earth" Arai stated matter-of-factly. Kenji laughed and punched him in the arm, Kazuhito sighed and Watanabe wondered; Why on earth have I brought these fools with me. The runt is, without a doubt, ten times better than this lot. At least he knows when to _damare_!

Kenji whipped through the traffic, hollering "Show me the Yakuza" out the window in a sing-song voice, while Kazuhito smiled creepily and Arai became distracted by the thin coloured lines on the road map.

"Do you even know where we are going?" sighed Kazuhito, brushing his fringe out of his line of vision.

"Frankly, my dear, I couldn't give a homo" replied Arai, and Kenji back-handed him, while still managing to come to a relative stop at the lights, even though the brakes where not fully down.

Some time and some back streets later, after Kenji yelled "Well, here's another nice homo you've gotten me into!" at Arai, whose sense of direction was about as reliable as his promises not to dress like a prostitute. A short while ago, at this same warehouse, a massive fight had broken out, between the former big boss and someone called KSC2-303, which had ended spectacularly when Sakaki had backed his opponent into a corner and raised his gun to put an end to the battle, when he was affronted with "Nobody puts KSC2-303 in a corner!" and shot multiple times in the abdomen and face. His blood still decorated the floor, walls and ceiling of that particular corner, and the Yakuza didn't dare go anywhere near it. Ever. Those who ventured into that dreaded corner could still hear Sakaki-danna's pitiful cries of "Lions and tigers and KSC2-303 – Oh my!"

The Yakuza; led by the little boss, strolled quietly into the warehouse, stalled only once by an insane youth who ran past them screaming; "This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost caught KSC2-303!", which made Kenji giggle uncontrollably, which in turn aroused Kazuhito almost to the point where he would have... had little boss not intervened with a sharp knife and a severe warning about Kenji's last mission, involving a scarred man, his Yakuza born lover and an aeroplane: "Oh, no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was POCH-182 killed the beast." He reminded them. That calmed the thugs to no end, save Kenji; who was never calm.

In the Yakuza's corner of the warehouse, Minoru was waiting for his fellows, and cleaning away that morning's mission. He had been shaky at first, but his prey had irritated him, and got severely bullet-fucked for it. "I'll have what officers having" sniggered Kenji sarcastically as they, and the bound and bloody prisoner, came into Minoru's field of vision. Looking down at the pulp-of-man on the floor and back to the runt, Watanabe commented "well, we'll always have Fighter" sadly, while Arai whispered something about making the runt kill his lovers former partner was like ordering Kenji to kill some random individual for no reason what-so-ever. Too easy. The runt just smiled his creepy I-know-feng-shui smile and giggled. Little boss stared at Minoru seriously, pointing at the lifeless semi-human-like figure on the ground; "The Fighter attracts those we do not speak of. You must bury it" he said.

Arai, after the runt had departed, hoisted the prisoner onto the now-empty, blood-stained wooden chair. Watanabe leaned over him, tracing the man's cheek bones with a flick-knife, while Kenji cackled unstably in the background and Kazuhito reloaded his shotgun, just out of the circle of light.

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my Versus." Watanabe quoted, biblical all of a sudden. The flick-knife traced lines in the wincing man's face and Arai watch them with eager anticipation.

"I love the smell of Versus in the morning" spat the man, smiling despite the pain. Watanabe reeled back and handed the flick-knife to Arai, who carved a road map in the man's cheek. Falling back onto a manly bravado, the prisoner spat blood at Arai; "may the ghost of Tak's victim haunt you to your grave!"

Arai sniggered, un-phased. The man shuddered, an eyebrow raised questionably. "Didn't you hear me?" He demanded.

Oh, Arai had heard him alright. "You had me at 'Tak'", he whispered threateningly, tracing another highway onto the man's flesh.

Next in line to torture the prisoner was Kazuhito, who leaned so close to his prey that Kenji freaked out a little more and threw a butterfly knife into the man's leg. The man screamed into Kazuhito's face, drowning out the "They may take away our Guns, but they'll never take away our freedom", that the glasses wearing Yakuza was about the threaten him with. He sighed and let his head fall onto the man's shoulder. You pain, Kenji, he thought, letting the smallest of smiles dance along his features. Unfortunately for the guy tied to the chair, Kazuhito lifted his head the same time he smiled, and the prisoner was greeted with something one should only witness in their nightmares. Unless, of course, that someone is Kenji. Kazuhito traced the knife down the man's bared chest, cutting through hair, skin and muscle. "I find your lack of meatloaf chutney disturbing" commented Kazuhito calmly, opening up a small hole just above the man's heart.

"Let's start with something simple, shall we?" the little boss queried over his comrades shoulder. "Like, your name, for instance?"

The man screamed as Kazuhito forced the knife into his abdomen, obliging him to reveal this one little scrap of information.

"Toshiro" The man breathed; "my name is Toshiro"

"Good" Kazuhito purred, releasing his hold and handing the butterfly knife over to a very excited Kenji, who sang; "with great power come great meatloaf chutney" and pointed the blade at Toshiro's heart. "Speak" he commanded. Toshiro obliged.

"As far back as I can remember, I always I wanted to be a White Bint" he stammered, then laughed, "They call me Mister White Bint!" Kenji reeled back at the sight of a smile, and tried to cut it off. Arai restrained him, saying "May the Prostitute McBiker Slut be with you" which confused Kenji enough to make him stop. Kazuhito disapproved of the blatant flirting and whispered to Kenji "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hates lead to Prostitute McBiker Slut", and Kenji stuck his knife in Arai's arm. Just a little bit.

Unfortunately, Kenji hit an artery with his terrible aim. Blood began to spurt from Arai, drenching the little boss, Kazuhito, Kenji and the prisoner; Toshiro. The owner of the knife dangling from the leather wearing Yakuza's arm grinned, grabbed his boyfriend, and high-tailed it out of the warehouse. Watanabe sighed, wiped his face with a handkerchief, and said "I see dead Prostitute McBiker Slut's", before taking out his pistol and shooting Toshiro in the neck, adding to the copious amounts of blood now decorating the immediate area. Then, he left.

Somewhere in Hell, Arai was sitting on a heated rock, taking a poking from a two-foot tall lizard in a trench coat. He stared blandly up at the fiery sky.

"You are an idiot" he stated, matter-of-factly, like he was the smartest person to have ever lived.

"I am the author. You are the Prostitute McBiker Slut. I outrank you!" the sky replied.

Arai resolved never to speak to anyone, ever again.


End file.
